Third Presidential Debate (Horses & Bayonets)

My roommate and I didn’t watch the third presidential debate. The World Series game between the San Francisco Giants and the Detroit Tigers was on. That’s right. The World Series was far more important than who will become the next leader of the Free World. We did, however, monitored the Tweet stream on our iPads while watching the game, calling out what we thought were relevant and sometimes funny tweets. The “horses and bayonets” line from President Obama became our favorite. Out of three debates, the middle debate was probably the most engaging with both candidates landing hits than the first or second debates.

After the debate was over and the game was still playing, I went back to playing Tiny Tower on the iPad. I have already constructed the 75th floor, which I haven’t expected to do before the third debate as it takes three days to earn enough coins to construct a floor. Being sick for four days last week left me with plenty of time to keep restocking the stores to earn more coins at a faster rate.

Which presidential candidate is getting my vote? That was a done deal immediately after the Republican and Democratic conventions. I’m voting for President Obama.

The Republicans are under the delusion that 2012 is 1980 again, with President Obama being President Jimmy Carter and Governor Mitt Romney being the future President Ronald Reagan. Uh, no. President Carter had high inflation, the energy crisis and the Iranian hostage crisis during his four years. President Obama has inherited the worst recession since the Great Depression and a Republicans Party committed to turning him into a one-term president.

Should the American public reward the Republican Party for eight years of incompetence under President George W. Bush and four years of hindering President Obama’s attempt to turn America around?

As a moderate conservative, I would say: “Oh, hell no!”

Second Presidential Debate (Binder Girls)

Like many new Hollywood movies this past summer, I kept my expectations deliberately low when watching the second presidential debate on TV. Unlike the first presidential debate and the only vice presidential debate, this one was less entertaining than a girl fight at a women prison. President Barack Obama was more spirited than his previous zombified self. Governor Mitt Romney was frustrated that he couldn’t get the last word in every single time. The real girl fight should have been between their wives for wearing nearly identical pink dresses.

Of course, no one asked the governor why he stiffed the broads of The View and The Late Show with David Letterman. Much less if he preferred pepperoni or sausage on Pizza Hut pizza. Although Big Bird wasn’t mentioned this time (the hottest costume for Halloween), his “binders full of women” quote is provoking fond memories of the Trapper Keeper binder from the 1980’s. Yeah, it was that bad. The last thing I need to do during the election season is remember my teenage years.

After an hour of the debate, my roommate switched the channel to the baseball game. We started talking about the new product rumors that Apple is expected to announce next week at their media event. Was Apple going to introduce a new iPad with the smaller docking connector six months after releasing the third-gen iPad and six months before releasing the fourth-gen iPad? A sore subject for my roommate. A new iPad would make the third-gen iPad he got six months ago obsolete. Nothing worse than having your bragging rights on the bleeding edge cut short by an incremental update.

On a happier note, Sarah Palin’s daughter, Bristol, was knocked out of “Dancing of The Stars” last night. Proof that the Tea Party’s influence—at least, on reality TV—is coming to an end. On the other hand, we can look forward to Momma Bear’s new exercise and diet book.

As for Tiny Towers on the iPad, I wasn’t able to add the 75th floor while the girl fight—the presidential debate—was going on. The process of collecting 900,000 coins and building out the floor is taking three days now. With the last 25 floors in sight, I doubt I’ll finish the 100th floor by election day—or even Thanksgiving Day. Like the 2012 election, the home stretch is far, far away.

Vice Presidential Debate (Marlarkey)

Unlike the first presidential debate last week, I was looking forward to the vice presidential debate. Vice President Joe Biden can always be counted on to provide a good show with his gregarious personality. Congressman Paul Ryan looked like the guilty little schoolboy who stole his sister’s panties and on the verge of being caught redhanded with them on national TV. Both sides hit their talking points without revealing anything new in the back-and-forth discussion moderated by Martha Raddatz, who did a much better job than Jim Lehrer did in keeping President Barack Obama awake during the first presidential debate.

Meanwhile, I was still playing Tiny Towers on my iPad as the candidates talked over each other. I added the 71st floor to my tower. It’s taking about three days to add a new floor in the game. A day to collect 800,000+ coins and two days for construction. Like the 2012 presidential election, this is dragging on as the end comes nigh.

Again, Governor Mitt Romney is still MIA from appearing on The Late Show With David Letterman. But that didn’t stop Letterman from commenting on the Ryan gym photos that Time released before the debate. Does anyone really want this guilty little schoolboy to be a heartbeat within the presidency?

Mitt Romney’s Hard On Fetish For Big Bird

The references to Big Bird and PBS went over my head during the first presidential debate the other night. (I was too busy playing Tiny Tower—now at the 65th floor—at the time.) But, apparently, Mitt Romney has a real hard on fetish for Big Bird on the campaign trail. I’m shocked—shocked!—that Romney is a Big Bird stalker, professing his love and threatening to do harm in the same breath to America’s favorite fowl. I wouldn’t be surprised if Romney gets busted for possessing Evil Bert porn.

Big Bird, Sesame Street and PBS has always been a favorite target for the Republican Party since the multicultural wars of the 1960’s, where the old white men of history and literature were threatened by the emerging voices of emancipated slaves, liberated women and other minorities in the American melting pot.

Even if the public subsidy for PBS was completely eliminated, it would only amount to 1/100th of one percent of the federal budget. A number so small in a $3 trillion USD budget that it’s not even big enough to be a rounding error.

Big Bird’s real contribution to the American economy is $46.9 million USD and 1,320 jobs. That’s right. Big Bird is a job creator that Republicans loved to talk about. Unfortunately, I don’t think the Republicans will stop looking down their lily-white noses to acknowledge that politically inconvenient fact.

First Presidential Debate (Big Bird)

The first presidential debate between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney took place last night. I’m not sure who won. Like the Republican National Convention and the Democratic National Convention, direct exposure can be hazardous to your health. I was too busy playing Tiny Tower on my iPad, adding the 64th floor and firing/hiring workers in my quest to become a “small” Donald Trump. The only time I looked up at the TV screen was when my roommate hurled a well-timed obscenity at Romney for lying about Medicare, Social Security and everything else. Ho-hum.

I was amused by the talking heads saying that Obama looked like he wanted to be somewhere else. Uh, hello? Last night was his 20th wedding anniversary to Michelle. Can’t blame the poor guy for wanting to be somewhere else on such an important night.

A real debate for Romney would be to appear on The Late Show with David Letterman before the election in November. Letterman held no punches when interviewing Obama last month, which is probably why Romney is afraid to come on the show. If Romney isn’t willing to be on the show, Letterman told viewers not to vote for him. Senator John McCain also snubbed Letterman in 2008—and lost the election to Obama.

DNC, Harold & Kumar

Unlike the Republican National Convention that featured Clint “Dotty Harry” Eastwood and an empty chair, the Democratic National Convention was perfect as factious Democrats unified to give former President Bill Clinton President Barack Obama the nomination. Despite not watching this one either, two things bubbled out of the gestalt to catch my attention.

I’m not sure what’s more disturbing in this campaign video: President Obama calling one of the potheads from Harold & Kumar, or knowing and dialing the phone number for Kumar—actor Kal Penn, now a political activist—without going through the White House switchboard.

Fortunately, this was a campaign video. If it was a H&K movie, we might be seeing a hairy penis and testicles that looked like Osama bin Laden’s face, a claymation penis flying everywhere, and a rubber penis stuck frozen to a light pole. Or, God forbid, Neil Patrick Harris pretending not to be gay.

Meanwhile, the DNC out tweeted the RNC by more than a 2-to-1 margin (i.e., 9.5 million vs. 4 million, respectively). The 2008 election only had 1.8 million tweets total. If Twitter replaces the electoral college in selecting a president, the 2012 election would already be over. Alas, we still have less than two months to go until the election is over—and then the vote counting lawsuits can begin.

RNC, Dotty Harry & The Stinking Onion

I didn’t bother to watch the Republican National Convention last week, where the heavily scripted political sideshow revealed an alternative reality of America so disturbing that a Fox News columnist slammed it. Worse, Mitt Romney plans to run on the Ronald Reagan playbook. This isn’t 1980, and, despite whatever perceived failings, Barack Obama is no Jimmy Carter. The right-wing extremists will be sorely disappointed when their made-to-order candidate fails to win the election. I doubt they will follow the Democrat’s example of forming a circular firing squad to figure out what to do next to win the White House back.

Despite not watching, two things bubbled out of the gestalt to catch my attention.

Whoever invited Clint Eastwood to speak at the convention should have his sorry ass fired. Oh, wait. That was Mitt Romney. Never mind.

So what the heck did happen? I personally think Clint was peeved that the Republicans criticized his Super Bowl commercial for Chrysler as being a pro-Obama commercial for the auto bailout that he returned the favor by piddling on Mitt Romney’s parade in a roundabout way. It worked. Eastwooding was the biggest news coming out of the convention. That’s what you get for messing around with a legendary senior citizen.

The most offensive piece didn’t come out of the convention itself. I came home from work on Wednesday evening, checked my Twitter feed and came upon a headline link for The Onion’s latest satirical article: “John McCain Just Blew His Brains Out During RNC Speech.”

McCain—who at various points during his speech seemed out of sorts and apparently went off prompter to ask the assembled crowd, “What has this party become? What have I become?”—reportedly pulled out a .22-caliber Magnum revolver from his jacket pocket, held it to his head, stared unblinkingly at the crowd, and pulled the trigger, sending frightened attendees into a chaotic frenzy and his own limp body to the ground.

I didn’t find that to be a bit damn funny. John McCain is a war hero who has done much in the service of his country. He should be forgiven for picking Sarah Palin as vice presidential candidate, giving up on being a political maverick and toeing the Tea Party line as the Republican Party commits political suicide. But The Onion should be ashamed for running this piece of garbage.

As for us moderate conservatives sitting on the sidelines, especially in California, it’s time for a new conservative political party that embraces the real issues facing America today by working together with everyone to get things done.

Gaming The Presidential Election Into Space

Are you sick and tired of the 2012 presidential election yet? Wouldn’t you like to pull either Barack Obama or Mitt Romney aside and beat the living crap out of them without the Secret Service paying you a surprise visit? If so, download “Vote!!!“, a free video game for the iPad and iPhone, to start whacking away at your favorite presidential candidate.

If you’re not a registered voter, a button on the main menu will take you to Register to Vote to sign up. Do your civic duty, study the issues and vote for your candidates!

If politics isn’t your cup of tea, there’s always “Angry Bird Space: The Red Planet” to play with later this fall. As @IdioticInuit tweeted over the weekend after the death of Neil Armstrong was announced: “Smartphones today have more computing power than NASA in the 1960’s. They went to the Moon. We launch birds at pigs. “

Too Many Boring White Guys In This Election

Anonymous Man At WorkUntil Mitt Romney picked Paul Ryan as his vice president for the 2012 Republican nomination, I wasn’t aware that he had a monopoly on being a boring white guy. I guess that’s better than being an angry old white guy trying to buy the elections. But I don’t think that he’s the ultimate boring white guy, although he might be the last one that Republicans will nominate for a while.

I like being a boring white guy to keep my writing identity a secret in Silicon Vally. People take one look at me, they look away and think about something else. I’m an anonymous computer technician by day. An aspiring writer, blogger and entrepreneur by night. The two are separate and different from each other, like Bruce Wayne and the Batman. (I’m not a Clark Kent fan, so Superman can suck it!) Being boring has its advantages if you want to live an anonymous life in public while promoting a brand name on the Internet.

As for Romney, I think he made a serious mistake in picking a Sarah Palin/Mini-Me clone.

We saw this fiasco before in 2008 with John McCain. He wanted to pick Joe Lieberman as his vice president pick but the Republican establishment didn’t want a Independent Democrat on the ticket. If he was as much as a maverick as everyone claimed he was, he should have told the establishment to eff themselves and fight for his choice on the convention floor. That didn’t happen. His revenge for not getting his vice president pick was Sarah Palin, who had the sex appeal that he sorely lacked, energized the Republican base like nothing else, and revived the realty TV show industry.

I don’t think Ryan can do any better than Palin, if his first solo outing is any indication. Plus his refusal to release more than two years of tax returns is a serious strike against him in my book. Republicans need to be more transparent and less manipulative with the public about the taxes they paid and the taxes they want everyone else to pay. Like Palin before him, he has the sex appeal that Romney sorely lacks, energizes the Republican base like nothing else, and may be a serious contender for the 2016 presidential election.

But Ryan won’t save Romney from himself—or the Tea Party. Ruth Marcus of The Washington Post explains what Romney should have done for his vice president pick: “If you are the Republican nominee and The Wall Street Journal editorial page, The Weekly Standard and The National Review are all urging you to do the same thing, run the other way.”

The only non-boring white guy in this election will be Vice President Joe Biden, who can be counted on to put a foot or two into his mouth. At least, when he’s not washing his car on the White House driveway.